Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
