everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
