people are starting to question the shark bite story
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
