dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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