if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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