Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
