At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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