I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
