Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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