I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
