Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
