i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
