I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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