How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
