He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
