I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
