You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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