We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
