I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
