I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
