She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
