Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize