the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
