I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
