You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
