they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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