so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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