I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
