and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
