Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
