Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize