is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
