I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
