She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
