Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
