I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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