i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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