I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Randomize
