drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
