I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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