oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where is the hickey?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
