I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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