READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
