Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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