At least make sure they are 18
Why
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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