he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
