I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
