This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
