Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
