I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
