I feel great
I just peed on a car
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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