I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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