i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
