im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
