Got a toothbrush?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He better not be in your backpack
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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