Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
