The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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