No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
