He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
