just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
