Tell her she can't have a vagina
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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