I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
