i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
