The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
