did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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