Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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