I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize