I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have tasted many bathrooms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
