I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
