I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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