suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
