just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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