I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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