onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
