My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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