I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
