Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize