I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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