Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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