hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
