the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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