Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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