Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize